How do you help someone to say goodbye to the one they love. The little one that they brought into this world. I don't often think about it.... we have so many "saves"...but not now. That Unit is so full of the sickest kids. I've never seen it like this... not for so long.... we all need a break... you get bitter.... I asked a friend... "could you do this to your child?"...ny old answer would have been "NEVER"... but I look at these sweet babies... many weren't planned, parents still children themselves... and I just don't know any more. Is giving them hope... one more trip to the cath lab, one more surgery, one more week, one more..... at 17 I didn't know what I wanted for dinner most nights, how the heck could I decide if I am making the right decisions.... and do we tell them enough, or too much.... The work is getting to me . This doesn't happen often, but it is every day, every unit, more and more to do... do one more this, answer one more that.... and the managment doesn't seem to think we are needed.... OMG.... what would some of those nurses do without us there... everyone is stretched to the breaking point, Tempers are short, people are exhausted from the work and the stress, you try to help someone through and they treat you like you are judging them.... They need to give each of us a bottle of wine to sip a short glass before you come to work each evening ( or morning)....
I have the most amazing husband.... I totally goofed up and signed up for 8 in a row.... yes we are talking 8 12 hour shifts with barely time to pee.... and he still cooks me delicious dinners and scratches my back and loves me....
Two mornings in a row I didn;t get to walk.... not getting home until almost 900 AM, ( from a shift that is supposed to end at 715).... that gets to me.... I need to move to stretch to forget....
I am feeling sorry for myself... but in an odd way.... the work...its the work.... the babes... this isn't the first time the unit has been filled with such disparaging cases.... and the OT... well it makes for nice paychecks... I need a break.... I just need a break...
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