When it rains.......

Holy shit.....

Tuesday was one of the scariest, most alone days of my life. Having survived an extra shift at the hospital, not feeling well.... by 830 AM Tuesday I knew something was terribly wrong. I called the Clinic, asking if I could get in, should just go to the ED or ???? Kim said come in.... be here in 45 minutes...no wait...while we where talking someone else grabbed that appointment.... be here in 1 hour 45 minutes..... I cried.... I laid in my bed and cried... for the entire time. Last time this occurred I was in the hospital for FIVE.... yes Five days.... no fricken way..... and I was out of work for 6 weeks.... Oh hell no.....
Kim assured me it had returned... after 13 years.... ughhhhhhh.... see a surgeon on Wednesday.... DO NOT WORK TONIGHT....( damn I think my doctor knows me too well) and here.... start on these antibiotics and pain meds.
Well.... overnight the abscess ruptured..... ewwwwww.....
but the good news ... according to the surgeon....the rupture was "clean"... no 'brain' surgery.... for now.
10 days of antibiotics and reevaluate in three months.... by then the tract should be clean and 'calm'.... most likely beast is over the course of thirteen years a fistula developed and will need to be "taken care of"....
my family.... I Love you all.... I cried to each of you.... Especially Cheri.... boy is this going to be a session for my therapist this week or what!!!

Now.... my f---ing washing machine has decided this is the week to quit working.... full of water no less.... and full of jeans.... like the heaviest possible load of laundry there is..... grrrrrr.....I'll get it fixed next week.... Next week... ttd week... no excuses.... I start my long weeks off next week.... well.... it sort of already started.... but it restarts for the summer..... 12 weeks of short work weeks.... wooohooooo..... and a little tighter paychecks.... but .... it will be worth it....the peace of mind of enjoying the summer...

so... when it rains in my world... it dumps all over me.... but despite being alone and desperate and distraught and stressed and scared and all that..... somehow... by the grace of God.... I came out if it.... maybe this was just a test to prove... that I can cope.... well.... mostly cope..... on my own with lots of help.... I need to do this..... I need to learn that i can live..... that I can survive.... that I will be OK....