Why is it when people do not know what to say, they tell you to keep busy. It will help you get through it?
I have been dreading this week for almost 11 months. Next week is the 1st anniversary of the worst day of my life. I will try the keep busy thing. I plan to be traveling here in the Northwest some. Visit his kids for the day, hopefully the weather will cooperate and I can get in some sight seeing along the way home.
But, right now... I don't want to keep busy. I want to be very still. I want to remember all of it. I need to remember the pain. I do not ever want to forget it. Remembering how I felt that moment. Remembering the evnets of that morning. The amazing people who got me through the first week, month, year. I want to feel how bad it hurt all over again. I never want to forget how much that pain meant how much I loved him.
there are pieces I need to let go of. I need to let the nightmare go. How do I do that? How do you move? it is a gorgeous day here. I just want to lie in my bed and cry. I have people to keep me busy. Dinner tonight and tomorrow. maybe a bit bittersweet. but it will be good. bit for now. I cannot keep busy. I have to keep very very still.
1 comment:
Marie - Don't feel guilty, part of healing is allowing yourself to grieve. Lay in bed and cry all day, scream out loud, if you need to, its the only way the deep pain will release itself and get out. Otherwise it just harbors inside of you, making you sick to your stomach. Sometimes its ok to let yourself be sad. I'm sad for you too, just don't know how to say it with words. There will be better days ahead, but for now just give yourself time to grieve...and don't feel guilty about it, K?
your friend,
G.
Post a Comment