Marching forward

Doctors report,

According to my spinal Neurosurgeon, that just does not sound right, the report: T11-12 central canal stenosis
L4-5 moderate central canal stenosis and moderate bilateral foraminal stenosis.
Mild bilateral L5-S1 foraminal stenosis.
Great news.... not!

Actually It is good news, all that means that the Physical therapy and conservative approach I am taking, Aleve, with occasional other pain relief is working. As long as it continues to work, no need to follow closely with the back clinic, no need for surgery unless symptoms persist or get worse.
I can live with this pain, this discomfort. and I can move on with my life.

YEAH !!!

I met with a contractor. The advice was as expected, again, thorough, a bit more expansive than I had hoped for, but..... now the wait begins.
I need to get at least two other bids.

This week begins Lent. Interesting. I have not thought about Lent for years.
Sacrificing something.... I have not sacrificed anything in the last two years. Doing what I wanted, when I wanted, It has felt good. Decadent.... wonderful.
But in many ways, empty. What have I been looking for? To say I have been looking for something to fill the space that Ted left empty is true. To say I wanted to fill it with things instead of people is true. More true in 2011 than in 2010, even though I have purchased almost nothing in 2011.
but I have found myself pushing people away in 2011. Hiding actually. Not answering the phone, text messages, emails. Letting people slip away, encouraging them to leave....

Back to sacrificing, as a child, I never did well. I would give up chocolate, and within a week. was sneaking Hershey bars! ( ummmm have you looked at my ass? self deprivation is not one of my strong suits).
Why can I be so determined to win at some things, yet denying myself something is so impossible.
So here are my choices:
give up:
coffee....
alcohol.... all or specific versions.....
fast food...
chocolate.....

I think coffee and fast food are the front runners.
I have done both in the past... i have confidence.....
maybe I should try both.

As I told Angi, the second part of the Lenten promise is to give,... financially, to tithe. I am not a believer in that. But can I give 10% more of me. Interesting.... give 10% more of me. Get 10% more done. Take on 10% more, give 10% more for a break, I think that is what my plan is. Just really try to be a better me. Really try. to really give. Honestly, offer and really help, really, give my heartfelt offer.

Lastly, to find that time for Jesus. Every week for 6 weeks. To find a sacred place. A place where I can take the Lord into me. To honor him. To thank him for the riches I have, to ask for his help with the two promises above. To guide me through this season of waiting.

Is this new? maybe renewed! Maybe more honest relationship. Understanding that I cannot be in this world alone, that I am not alone. That HE is standing beside me helping me make my way in the world every day. That I am stronger everyday because i love Him and believe in Him.

The world is good, and waiting for his return will bring goodness. The excitement of his resurrection and the joy of His saving grace will protect us.

REJOICE!