Our Anniversary

May 15, 2010
28 years after I became the whole person I was capable of becoming. I am alone indulging in all of my worst weaknesses.
A glorious trip to the beach. Cannon Beach. The first place Abbey and I visited in August of 1981. Now I sit luxuriating in a family friends Zen inspired bed and breakfast.
After sunshine filled the drive in my mid life crises inspired convertible, I stopped for a bottle of my favorite Oregon sparkling wine and finished the entire thing by myself last evening. ( thanks Argyle2006 Brut). I walked on the beach for over an hour…. Finding a shell, unscathed by the oceans currents. One from every special trip to an ocean beach. The last walk on a beach. Thousands of miles and continents away. My thoughts turn to friends from that trip. Wishing them all well. I miss them. I need to make plans to see those close, and those a bit further. Time will only tell if some of us ever meet again.
But back to this trip…. this day.
I celebrate it. I mourn the loss of him. I mourn the loss of the part of me that died that March day. But I celebrate that forever May 15 will be the day we became one. He is forever etched in my heart…and as many know…. On my body.
After a stressful emotional long phone conversation trying to explain who I am …who I am INSIDE…. I slept. Peacefully in sheets so soft if felt like velvet on my skin. Saturday morning came early as I heard Lucy busying herself in the kitchen. Her delectable breakfast stirred something in me. The desire to cook again. I hope it lasts. I have been missing my own good cooking. The chicken nuggets and corn dogs of the past week are weak substitutes for nourishing and delicious meals that I know I am capable of making..even for myself.
Off to explore yet another indulgence. GOLF !! Yes, I treated myself to a day on the links…. Well I tried. Manzanita and the “big course” in Tilamook both had tournaments. I had to settle for nine holes on the executive course across from the Tilamook Cheese factory. It was great! For my first time out this year and in reality I did not play much last season. I did OK. It is a par 40, I shot a 48! It was pleasant….windy-ish. Not busy. I was able to play alone, walk…. Of course (but amazingly they DID have power carts) and I just laughed…hitting two balls when I wanted and relearning my own swing. I have to promise myself to do this more often. Jen and I must play Mondays this summer. And an Occasional weekend with Alma. Back to Manzanita…. I found yet another distraction! A card shop. OH MY>>>>>> I also was able to treat myself to yard art. Hmmmm seems this is not the first time a trip to the beach for our anniversary resulted in yard décor as a gift! And of course….salt water taffy…. Flavors too indulgent to list…..
Back to the B & B…oh it is “At Oceans Edge” in Arch Cape, …check out the website. And a 4:30 massage. The aches and stresses melted away. My shoulders clearly sit three inches lower than 24 hours ago. My hamstrings are stretched for the first time in months….I think since returning from Africa.
Now a bath in the Jacuzzi tub, a pot of herb tea, Nora Jones on the laptop….. and time to read. I am so far behind on my 18 books this year. I am still reading of Venice. A woman on the edge of her life. Discovering who she is, who she wants to be and if the man she is married to is the man she loves. She lost her first husband. She is young, adventuring in a foreign land and daring to become the woman she wants to be. Hmmmmmmm
I also plan to treat myself to Robin Hood. I am doing OK on the movie thing. It is May, and I have seen three films in the theatre. This would almost catch me up. And in the next two weekends I could meet the quota I set for myself. Shrek comes out the 22, and SITC2 Memorial Day.
Well…. I am off to my bath, my tea is gone, my muscles jelly, my mind filled with happiness and sweet memories and life…. Life is good today!
We will see about tomorrow…..
M