Great Ride

Its January 30, and the sun was shining. It was 51 degrees and a great ride was to be had !
Shari, McKenzie and I took to the Springwater Trail and did a quick 9 miles. well sort of quick. The seat slipped again, I need to figure that out. and the uphills were killer... I was sweating through my four upper layers and two bottom layers. The wind challenged us on the out and the sun on the in. But it felt so good.
I truly hope that the rain arrives soon, not so that the outdoor training has to stop, but so that by June 7 the rain has been satisfied. As always the rain is my scariest demon. well that and hills....


I know I need to train harder, better..with more desire. I need to find that motivation. I cannot describe yesterday any other way than a sad day.
Sad for many reasons.


Wednesday night was awful... Something I had never experienced before... a vent failed to deliver the desired oxygen, and if it were not for a quirky earlier in the day trial, I am not convinced that I would have found the problem. It truly bothered me that we escalated care, considered other therapy techniques.... and all because a machine that I am responsible for failed, and I didn't discover it for over an hour.


and then, I had recently returned from my Happy Place.... Aspen Colorado.... and I don't know when I will return. I am committed to training for the two tri's this year.... that means serious... no more travel until July.... sigh..... I hate making this kind of choice.... but I have already made the choice. Now it is a matter of staying committed. Traveling puts a kink in my training, and I do not need any kinks.


so..until July, I am staying put.... sort of... lol... I will get a trip to Skamania .... courtesy of OHSU in March.... and then a trip to Wenatchee in May. I am considering making that a training trip as well as a trip to see the Son In Law in his role on stage.


I need to focus.... but I want so much out of life....


It feels smothering.... I took a new position at work... back to Float... adults and peds... no more Neonates. I truly have mixed feelings. I will miss the friends in the DNCC.


I need to succeed....


what about the big move? still an option... but life will take its turns. for now.... I move at the speed of a turtle in a vat of peanut butter...


more tomorrow.... my thoughts are coming too fast... I need to meditate....


Ohmmmmmm