awake ...all night...everynight

Well, at least tonight I have a reason to be awake. I am being paid to keep my eyes open and my body vertical.
things seem a bit weird in my life... so what else is new. I haven't been in real time contact with my family for quite some time... that is weird..even with the amazing time differences I try to connect with someone weekly, but that just hasn't happened...its not like I can't pick up the phone.....it just seems that I have nothing exciting to say.... and I am trying to give everyone healing space.... for once it seems like others lives are more in turmoil than my own.

I did try to reconnect with some lost people this month, an aging Aunt, a college roomie... both are good, surprised to hear from me, but with the risk of sounding melodramatic I keep the conversations light, upbeat and newsy rather than of any real substance.

I feel bad talking with my Aunt. She is the only one who admits to missing mom more than me, and every time I call the first few minutes are always her teary apologies for crying.... now I know where I got it... and the two of us crying over the phone together makes me laugh at the end.... but I fear that my calls bring her pain.... and I would not wish that on her or anyone. She is a sweet woman who fears she is losing her mind to Alzheimer's, but if she is you could fool me. I understand her short term memory loss thing, and how incredibly frustrating that must be..... for some reason, mom never seemed troubled by her short term memory loss... I guess she never even realized she had forgotten something.... but Auntie seems worried every time I call.

But, I will try to stay in touch as long as I can. I have thought about a summer or fall trip to Wisconsin..... but besides her the B's, I have no real reason to go back.... a week of long ago memories right now does not sound enjoyable at all. Maybe I'll wait, and go in Winter and do the Polar Plunge with my niece!!

ahhhh....family.... Aunts, Nieces, brothers, wives and all that ..... makes me smile to know there is love and happiness and a bond that ties. The bond may stretch, sometimes so thin it may seem imperceptible, but always there.... and sometimes so tight that you feel as though you are breathing their very breath. I love them all.