I am Back......

In many ways I have returned. Certainly after a month away from sending my random thoughts into cyber space... with encouragement from my new conscious.... actually the woman encouraging me to move forward hates when I refer to her as such.....I am back here....

but also back from the Florida trip !! How wonderful.... family is the best medicine... for a wounded soul like me !! I was able to recount the night that sent my psyche askew... amazing how much more that helped than the retelling of the story to random others....

The nephew is all graduated...moving on with his young life...all full of newness and innocence. Sometimes I wish I was back there... would my decisions have been different now. I would never redo UW-EC... or actually any of the moves... Arizona and then Oregon.... each brought me a new step a new phase. Most likely at least one more move in my life.... at 50 something it somehow seems scarier than those at 17 - 21 and 24....

The Sisters... well, the "in-laws".... somehow they are both more than that.... one has been in my life since I was 10 !! doesn't that make her a full fledged sister by now !! they add so much to my life. They are both healing.... one more physical than the other, the other letting her heart heal from the recent loss. During a brief moment alone... she asked.... does it ever get easier, do you ever miss him less.... the answer NO.... there is always an empty place where those who have left this world can never be filled. The other needs to heal in many ways. Physically certainly, but she too still feels the losses in her life.... my heart aches for her. Hugs can't heal .... but I hope they help !!

Of course coming home is always good.... though stress looms here as always.... Health issues for the man have resurfaced. SIGH.... at least I was gone for his first week off tobacco.... that could not have been pleasant. combine that with rotten weather the entire time I was gone.... but I was stunned by how much he got accomplished!!!

While I never feared flying.... that is until it was suggested to me that I might like flying because I am totally out of control...... I actually had no concerns flying.... and it was so very therapeutic. The act of leaving, returning.... spending time with the brothers, nephew, and all extended family....

Strength is slowly returning..... I feel it every day..... now back to the gym ....get back on track with work projects and of course time to enjoy the sunshine !!! It is June after all.... even in Oregon the sun has to shine in June !!

Ciao