Empty

I knew this moment..this day, would come.... and some how I knew it would be today..or soon.
Two years ago I thought I suffered the worse loss I could imagine.. I became an orphan. No par nets to turn to. Sure i have three amazing big brothers who are always there for me, but its just not the same as talking to your mommy... no matter how old you get. Oh... don't get me wrong. I remember the fights, the misunderstandings.... but she was and always was my mom.... and then she was gone.
I had just gotten used to that idea....
Ted and I had talked about how odd it was going to be, to be in Florida and not see her... not stay in her condo.... even he felt a bit weird about it all....
but I never imagined what fate was going to bring me.....
and now...
I am just empty....
no mom
no dad
no Ted
everyone around me is so caring... so loving... but you are not any of them... and you can't bring any of them back... which is all that I want today....

Good thing a friend chose tonight to bring me dinner... this pitiful me doesn't wear well...
but when I can't say the words I write them .... I write them for you all to hear... to know that i am human... but that I am OK....

I am OK.....