Happy Birthday , My Love

Well, the first of the fall markers has come and gone. His birthday was this weekend.
Yesterday. I filled the weekend with things to do. First a round of golf with family and friends. What a glorious time. The sun was shining, the wind howled a bit, and the laughs plentiful. We all remembered him in our own way. We played Mt. View. So he was everywhere with us. Although he did not offer any assistance on the 15th green. Even he can't help there!!!
Sunday, Bob, Tom, Cathy and I went to the 'rock'....Only a few tears were shed. I brought a dozen red roses. I am sure he shook his head in angst.... and a six pack of beer!! we toasted him as we all wished he were here with us . I held it together until I got in the car. there is that song.... I'm Yours..... and the lines :.... “So I won’t hesitate no more..it cannot wait…no need to complicate..... our time is short this is our fate…I’m yours” ..we sang it to each other on way home from the doctor…. It wasn’t really “our song”…. We sang it to each other in the car on the way to the doctor the day before he died.....it was a special memory…. When I hear it I always get a little weepy… but today it was full face sobbing….. I turned the opposite way that I knew Bob and Tom would go and then pulled over…. I wanted to go back to the cemetery…. But I just could not….
the rest of the day, I just wrapped myself in a blanket, watched some TV and did not much. It was OK.
now.... on to Wisconsin. I cannot wait. I get to see all of my brothers...and the women , too...Diane, Char and Cheri.... Nikki, Sam, Dana and Dawn..... YEAH !!!!
I am so excited. We have not been together in a long while.... this version of the "Fromm's".
Of course, Sam has asked me to do a reading at the wedding. I am a bit nervous. Not the public speaking part. I just have to prove to myself...and my family... that I can get through a wedding without a total tearful melt down. I always cry...so I am not even going to pretend the whole day will be without tears.... but fortunately I will see everyone Before the wedding itself so. I should be strong and competent.!!
after that we head into the 'holidays'. it starts with Halloween and really will not end until January. I hopefully will have much to look forward to. Halloween I am hosting the Walker/Hodson clan for dinner before trick or treating.... complete with three little goblins....Thanksgiving has yielded many possibilities.... and I am tentatively spending Christmas with part of the Fromm's. I will know for sure after I get back.
I am still working on Ghana. Now that the team is back from Peru, and in full swing planning for Vietnam..... Ghana is starting to take shape. I need to call the office this week.

As for other aspects of my life. well..... Tim has been dealt his hand. It is not good.... and he needs to be out of my life. Unfortunately, I am a forgiving, kind person...and he meant a great deal to me. I am trying to remain his friend. He has asked me to consider waiting. I told him I could not promise that. His past is more than I can handle. More than I can consider taking on. and his future does not look bright. I feel sorry for him, but he has made these choices. He has made them his entire life. I am thankful I discovered this now. I knew there was a past.... I did not know the details. You don't learn these things in the first few months.... He has asked little of me, he writes, he calls, and yes I accept his calls...they always begin with I am sorry. No words can ever fill the space he created. he knows that. I have tried to be truthful, but I am sure my friendship gives him hope. I was not looking for someone when I met him. I am not looking for someone now. He has much healing and learning and changing to do. But I learned LONG ago..... you really cannot ever change people, they can try to change themselves.... but he is 47 years old... and this pattern has been part of him since he was in his 20's.... 18 months...20 months.... 30 months.... 42 months.... what ever the time span is will not change him. I know that.... he knows that....but he wants to be accepted for what he is and who he is. Yes, his single lapse in judgement cost me nothing but a good deal of embarrassment. Thank goodness... it could have been so much worse.... but I want more out of my life, more out of the life I want to live..... so I will move on. He will fade away.....
So for now.... I am doing OK..... back to my night shift. Fall Education projects are done. Holidays are approaching and then the New year..... I am already waiting for 2010!!

Ciao