Missing him

these three days come every year.


When does it stop hurting? When do you stop missing that person?


Part of me hopes never. I never want to forget. I never want to not feel this way.


I started yesterday in a melancholy mood. Tried to go on with tasks as if it were a normal day. But by noon I was exhausted. I could barely keep my head up. Then it hit me, after the tears at the grave site, after that overwhelming feeling of being loved and having lost that love. I couldn't move. So I didn't.


Finally, the clock ticked away and March 25 was gone.


It may not be right, but in that hour after the day was over. I toasted him. Opened a bottle of champagne and raised my glass to the man who loved me like no one else has. Or likely ever will.


Today, he is an angel. There are still days I am angry and only remember the pain and the not so great times. Not today. Today it is the way he made me feel when he looked at me. The way he made me laugh, at the same silly lines I heard 100 times. What I wouldn't give to hear them again.


Today, it would be hard to be better than him.


My Canadian friend reminds me that I have had that GREAT love. I believe I will have it again. I am capable of love, capable of being loved.


I miss him,  will never stop.


Tri-cities used to tell people that I was still married. I am. and I miss him.


if you read this.... hug your spouse a little tighter, look in his eyes and tell him that you love him to the moon and back. Forgive that he left the light on, or spent that last 50 dollars.... when you get home tomorrow.... they may be gone forever.


I have the great peace of knowing the last words I said to him was "I love you". I stopped to kiss him one more time before walking out the door. Spent the last day with him instead of sleeping like I normally would have. I whispered the words of a song in his ear as he was driving.


Today, I miss him.... but I celebrate his life and our love....


here's to you Ted, I love you.